[TV Review] Main Event – 1.13.91

WCW Main Event

Commentators: Jim Ross & Missy Hyatt

Reigning World Tag Team Champions Doom are in action this week, taking on the team of Allen Iron Eagle & Tim Horner. Also on the show we look back to the big Meadowlands event that resulted in a new World Champion and Paul E. Dangerously tries to sell everyone on this Arm Wrestling match nonsense he’s got going on at Clash of the Champions.

The Lineup:

  • Tom Zenk vs. Rick Hardrock
  • Bobby Eaton vs. Jeff Gamble
  • The Danger Zone w/ Paul E. Dangerously
  • Ricky Morton & Tommy Rich vs. Rip Rogers & Jeff Sword
  • Tracy Smothers & Brad Armstrong vs. Jeff Stone & Rob Morgan
  • Dutch Mantell vs. Todd Brewer
  • Tim Horner & Allen Iron Eagle vs. Doom
  • Meadowlands Report: Luger/Big Cat, Sting/Flair

*****

Jim Ross and Missy Hyatt segue into footage of the issues between Terry Taylor and Bobby Eaton on World Championship Wrestling last night. Match ended in a draw due to television time running out but Taylor had the match won before the bell hit. This is all the mention this storyline development gets on this show.

‘The Z-Man’ Tom Zenk vs. Rick Hardrock
Eh Rick’s brother Jerry Heavymetal is a much better wrestler. Ugh that was such a Dad joke, I’m so sorry. Anyway Hardrock does nothing and Z-Man wins with the Missile Dropkick. (2:07)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

‘Beautiful’ Bobby Eaton vs. Jeff Gamble
You probably know Gamble better as future WCW enhancement talent legend The Gambler. Unfortunately he’s gimmick-free in this one. Eaton is super mean to a staff member but then shakes his hand because goddammit Eaton just can’t help but being the nicest man in pro wrestling even as a heel. Eaton invites Gamble to put headlocks on him but Eaton slips out every time, throwing Gamble over the top rope and getting himself disqualified! GAMBLER WINS, GAMBLER WINS! Honestly it came off like a mistake as Eaton was a victim of muscle memory but the ref stuck with it for continuity’s sake. Good on him. (1:22)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

Eaton continues the attack after the bell then leaves in a confused annoyance. Ross hypes Z-Man/Eaton for COTC.

Segment Time: The Danger Zone
Paul E. Dangerously recaps his feud with Missy Hyatt, complete with clips from the past two weeks in case you aren’t a crazy person and haven’t been watching every damn WCW TV show for a website you’ll probably abandon in a month. Dangerously vows to put Hyatt in her place at COTC. Dangerously did a decent job trying to sell everyone on his feud but since I’ve sat through everything he’s already talked about this didn’t do much for me.

Ricky Morton & ‘Wildfire’ Tommy Rich vs. Rip Rogers & Jeff Sword
Yay, more Rip Rogers! Rogers tries to sneak attack Rich but Rich catches him with a shot and sends him careening into the guardrail, knocking it over. I didn’t hear a bell ring so I’m just going with it. Morton tags in and works over Rogers’ left arm with a wristlock. Rich tags in to continue the punishment as Ross announces that if Hyatt beats Dangerously she takes over his Sunday show on the WCW Hotline. Get your parent’s permission. Morton tags in and Rogers gets in his flying axhandle spot but his piledriver is countered with a backdrop. Sword gets the tag and misses an elbowdrop, leading to a hot tag from Rich who double noggin knocks the heel team en route to pinning Sword with a Thesz Press. That was entertaining chaos. Rip Rogers comes through once again. (3:08)

  • Final Rating: *3/4

Tracy Smothers & ‘The Candyman’ Brad Armstrong vs. Jeff Stone & Rob Morgan
Smothers’ usual Southern Boys tag team partner Steve Armstrong is the writer/singer of Smothers’ theme, says Ross. Interesting bit of trivia. Steve is out with an injury though so his big brother Brad has stepped in to be Smothers’ partner, as we saw on last week’s episode of Pro. Not like Brad was doing anything better considering his goddamn nickname is ‘The Candyman’. Tony Todd he ain’t. The faces win with a flying elbow from Smothers. Anyway. (2:14)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

‘Dirty’ Dutch Mantell vs. Todd Brewer
Guest ring announcer and local radio personality Rhubarb Jones calls Brewer ‘Brewster’ but Ross helpfully corrects him on commentary. Hyatt thinks Mantell should be in a zoo because he has more body hair than other people. That’s rude. Mantell dominates and gets the pin after sending Brewer to the floor. Brewer looked like he legitimately injured his shoulder so props to Mantell for ending the match quickly and looking out for his opponent. (1:46)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

‘White Lightning’ Tim Horner & Allen Iron Eagle vs. Doom [w/ Theodore R. Long]
Doom are the current World Tag Team Champions but their titles aren’t on the line here. Horner & Eagle actually got a win on last week’s Main Event so they’re sorta kinda built-ish for this one. Hyatt hypes her COTC outfit, so now I’m expecting some boobs for that show. Doom has the power but Horner has the speed and he uses it to take Simmons down with a dropkick. Eagle tags in to continue the punishment with an armdrag into an armbar. Horner tags back in and Simmons belts him with a right hand. Reed tags in and Horner slaps on a wristlock. Hyatt wants to win WCW’s Sexiest Wrestler contest but Ross reminds her she’s not a wrestler. She still thinks she’s going to win it though. This commentary team is a trainwreck. Eagle and Reed have an awkward exchange so in comes Horner to salvage things. Horner charges at Reed, Reed responds with a meaty ass clothesline. Eagle manages to get the tag and eats a scoop slam after not going up for the powerslam spot. Reed misses an elbowdrop and Simmons breaks up a pinfall attempt. Long distracts the ref and Horner, allowing Doom to hit the Spike Piledriver on Eagle for the victory. Ross puts over Tim Horner being the one on his team that didn’t suck. Nice. This was not good. (6:46)

  • Final Rating: *

Meadowlands Report
Luger beat Big Cat despite being tossed out (behind the ref’s back) and Flair beat Sting for the World Title despite Sting’s foot being on the rope. Same stuff we saw on World Championship Wrestling. Smart of WCW to end the show on this though because Flair winning the World Championship is a huge deal.

*****

Final Thoughts: Missy Hyatt is bad at commentary and the main event of, uh, Main Event, was pretty bad. Hard pass.

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