[TV Review] Main Event – 2.3.91

WCW Main Event

Commentators: Jim Ross & Missy Hyatt

Terry Taylor looks to prove himself to the championship committee by taking on the now-former Television Champion The Z-Man in singles action. Also on the show El Gigante squashes a tiny dude, Michael Wallstreet still has some matches in the can WCW needs to burn through, and Diamond Dallas Page makes his WCW debut. BANG!

The Lineup

  • The Fabulous Freebirds vs. Tim Parker & Scott Sandlin
  • El Gigante vs. Keith Hart
  • Lex Luger vs. Pat Rose
  • Segment: The Danger Zone w/ Paul E. Dangerously
  • Tom Zenk vs. Terry Taylor
  • Michael Wallstreet vs. Rick Cannon

*****

Jim Ross announces to the world that Arn Anderson is the new Television Champion, which irritates Missy Hyatt because Anderson isn’t as cute as The Z-Man. Yikes. This segues into a clip from Worldwide where Anderson got the win. You can read a review of that show and match by clicking here.

The Fabulous Freebirds vs. Tim ‘Powerhouse’ Parker & Scott Sandlin
One day I’ll learn not to put so much detail or thought into these squash match write-ups and save y’all some time. Today is not that day though. Scott Sandlin is back after about a month away, previously seen losing to Michael Wallstreet. Hayes is still rocking those ridiculous purple glitter pants, can’t wait until a new set of TV tapings so he can drop those monstosities. Ross mentions that the Freebirds have a match coming for the U.S. Tag Team Championship against The Steiner Brothers. That’s a storyline that’s still sort-of happening kind-of. Jimmy Garvin works over Parker, Michael Hayes tags in and works over Sandlin. Sandlin escapes a chinlock and goes for a dropkick but can barely get any height on it which is unfortunate and soon enough The Freebirds are back in control. Hyatt thinks El Gigante is too big to be in pro wrestling. I agree with the sentiment but not the reason. Sandlin gets sent to the floor, leaving him open for cheap shots from Hayes, including his signature left hook. DDT ends it. (4:58)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

El Gigante vs. Keith Hart
Gigante cuts a pre-recorded promo about wanting Flair’s belt then enters Center Stage to a, um, large reaction. We can rag on his ability all we want but the dude was a sight to behold. WCW is even tossing them their best jobber, Keith Hart, to make him look extra good. Hart performs his job admirably, trying some shoulderblocks and flying off Gigante like he’s a brick wall, and Gigante wins super quick with a Claw that turns into a pinfall. (0:39)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

Cut to pre-recorded comments from The Z-Man who says what happens in the ring later will be nothing personal as they’re friends.

Lex Luger cuts a pre-recorded promo on his WrestleWar opponent Dan Spivey. He doesn’t really say anything other than he’s going to be wrestling Spivey. Thanks for the info, Lex?

‘The Total Package’ Lex Luger vs. Pat Rose
Ross can’t stand those flag-burning folks protesting Desert Storm. God could you imagine if WCW had been around and still southern as hell during the Iraq War? Would’ve made WWE look like a bunch of liberal creampuffs in comparison. Pat Rose is a familiar name but I can’t quite remember why I know it. Maybe he was an AWA guy? Maybe I’m thinking of Buddy Rose. Anyway Rose actually manages a little bit of offense, including a back rake, until Luger decides to just shrug it all off and win with the Torture Rack. Thanks for coming, Pat. (2:39)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

Segment Time: The Danger Zone
Paul E. Dangerously hosts a live Danger Zone segment in the ring, with the debuting Diamond Dallas Page as his guest. Dangerously builds him up as a rich playboy but he looks like a goof in a denim jacket and Elvira t-shirt. Those of you probably have fond memories of DDP in WCW if you were watching from 1997 onwards but we’re a long way from there so we’re going to have struggle through a lot of growing pains to get to peak DDP. DDP says if he was doing any better he’d have to be twins just to handle it. Good line. Dangerously calls him the greatest manager he’s ever known. DDP calls out Doom manager Teddy Long to pay homage. Any excuse to hear Doom’s entrance theme is good for me. DDP asks Long for a favor: a match with Doom for his yet to be named tag team that he’s been working with. Long, trusting DDP like the idiot he is, agrees to it. The match takes place on next week’s show.

Cut to pre-recorded comments from Terry Taylor, decked out in a suit. He rips up a contract he had signed to face Z-Man for the Television Title, but will be going through with the match anyway. Can’t blame the guy for being mad but that’s his fault for not signing a contract that just said he’d get a match with a TV Champion. Shouldn’t have named names.

‘The Z-Man’ Tom Zenk vs. Terry Taylor
Hyatt is pumped that Zenk is wearing his ‘lucky’ blue tights. She may start masturbating on commentary so bear with me if I have to try and recap that. Zenk tries a couple of early pinfall attempts but Taylor kicks out just fine. No sign of Alexandra York, Taylor’s new manager, because as I’ve said so many times you now hate this website the tapings are falling behind the live events. Rasslin’ holds get traded and countered, pinfalls are attempted and kicked out of, simple stuff as we trudge along. Zenk settles in with a side headlock takeover, taking control of the match about three and a half minutes in. Both men reset after Taylor backs Zenk into the corner. Taylor slams Zenk and tries to do a missed elbow but Zenk doesn’t move so they just sorta try to go with it as Ross tries to proclaim that he missed. Come on, man. Jawbreaker to Zenk only gets Taylor a one-count and Zenk goes back to the side headlock takeover. Capetta announces that there are only five minutes remaining in the match, so now we know the out they’re going with to protect both men. Taylor counters a headlock with a back suplex with three minutes remaining. Taylor busts Zenk’s gut and with two minutes remaining connects with a vertical suplex but only gets a two-count. Ross admonishes Taylor for not grapevining the leg. That’s fair. Hyatt thought Grapevine was a city in Texas. She’s not wrong, it is. Has a solid mall. Anyway Taylor throws the kitchen sink at Zenk but just can’t put the Z-Man away and Zenk mounts a comeback as the clock ticks away with thirty seconds remaining. Winner is supposed to meet Arn Anderson for the Television Championship but it looks like no one is getting that shot as it’s a draw. Boo-urns. Basic stuff to show how even both men are talent-wise but it didn’t make it all that interesting to watch. Still competent though. (10:00)

  • Final Rating: *1/2

Zenk checks on Taylor, Taylor slaps him and leaves the ring to a chorus of boos. HEY GUYS I THINK HE’S TURNING HEEL A WEEK AGO.

Michael Wallstreet [w/ Alexandra York] vs. Rick Cannon
OH MY GOD HOW MANY OF THESE BORING ASS SQUASHES DID THEY RECORD BEFORE HE LEFT THE COMPANY? Jesus. Wallstreet doesn’t even get an entrance this week. Hyatt announces that she will be doing an interview in the male locker room at WrestleWar. I’m sure that won’t lead into some dumb comedy shtick. Hyatt and Ross talk about York scouting for new talent, which she already has but…you know. I’m a broken record so I’ll save it. God I don’t care about this one. Wallstreet wins with the Stock Market Crash, now can we just DROP THIS SHIT ALREADY FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY? (3:51)

Final Rating: BORING SQUASH

Ross hypes next week’s show which will feature a Zenk/Taylor rematch as well as the debut of DDP’s mystery team. That’s that.

*****

Final Thoughts: DDP’s debut is worthwhile to note in terms of WCW’s history but outside of that and Keith Hart taking thirty seconds out of his day to make El Gigante look good this Main Event is a wash. The one featured match was good by default I guess but super basic so hopefully Zenk/Taylor bring the actual goods next week.

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