[TV Review] Worldwide – 3.16.91

Commentators: Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

Champion Roll-Call

  • WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair
  • WCW UNITED STATES CHAMPION: “The Total Package” Lex Luger
  • WCW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION: “The Enforcer” Arn Anderson
  • WCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner)
  • WCW UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner)
  • WCW WORLD SIX-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Ricky Morton, “Wildfire” Tommy Rich, & The Junkyard Dog

The Lineup

  • Bobby Eaton & Tom Zenk vs. Terrance Taylor & Buddy Landell
  • PROMO: Barry Windham
  • The Steiner Brothers vs. Rob Morgan & John Peterson
  • VIGNETTE: Nikita Koloff works out in his “Dungeon”
  • Ricky Morton, Tommy Rich, Junkyard Dog, & Big Josh vs. The State Patrol & Magnum Force
  • PROMO: Brian Pillman
  • Ron Simmons vs. Joe Bruce
  • RINGSIDE INTERVIEW: Diamond Dallas Page
  • The Young Pistols vs. Doug Vines & Jeff Sword
  • PROMO: Lex Luger
  • Sid Vicious vs. Larry Santo
  • RINGSIDE INTERVIEW: Ric Flair
  • El Gigante vs. Joe Cruz

*****

-Schiavone and Solie welcome the home audience at ringside. Schiavone announces that The Steiner Brothers are the new Tag Team Champions, and now SOMETHING has to happen with the U.S. Tag Team Titles. WCW has no idea yet, so neither do the announcers. I love them speaking in abstracts so they don’t accidentally box themselves in a corner.

“Beautiful” Bobby Eaton & “The Z-Man” Tom Zenk vs. “The Computerized Man of the 1990s” Terrance Taylor & “Nature Boy” Buddy Landell [w/ Alexandra York & Mr. Hughes]

Zenk on offense to start, giving Taylor and Landell slam after slam until he and Eaton clear the ring. Taylor catches Zenk with a right hand, Landell tags in and runs right into an armdrag takeover. He transitions into a hammerlock and tags in Eaton who belts Landell with a pair of rights that cause the Nature Boy to Flair Flop (Landell…Lunge? I’m not great with words). Zenk and Taylor tag back in, former with an armbar on the latter. Taylor escapes with a headbutt and tags in Landell. Zenk escapes a slam attempt and rolls Landell for the 1…2…Landell kicks Zenk off into the ropes where Taylor clubs him from behind. Eaton wants in, ref gets distracted, so much double team cheapshotting but the Z-Man cannot be pinned down. Zenk counters a backdrop attempt with a kick, Eaton gets the tag and the crowd goes sort-of wild as he ignites that BABYFACE FIRE OFFENSE. Neckbreakers for both Taylor and Landell, Eaton to the top for an Alabama Jam on Taylor. Landell breaks the count, Zenk runs in and all four are in the ring. Ref gets distracted with Zenk and Landell, Taylor belts Eaton with the COM-PEW-TOR for the 1…2…3. They finally found a use for that hunk of junk! A fun enough match, I loved the crowd going WILD for Eaton. I’m also a big fan of Mr. Hughes looking big and intimidating but doing absolutely nothing to lend anyone a hand. (5:31)

  • RATING: **

York Foundation split while Zenk tends to a busted-open Eaton. Taylor and Landell will pay for making Eaton bleed his own blood.

Barry Windham has set a goal to become a champion in 1991. He takes WAY LONGER to explain this than he needs to. Also weren’t he and Arn Anderson a TOUGH BOY tag team ready to bring the violence back in January? Go do that! Those vignettes were cool.

The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. Rob Morgan & John Peterson

Diamond Dallas Page cuts an insert promo calling The Freebirds’ loss a minor setback for he now has BIG DADDY DINK in his Diamond Exchange. I mean they lost them AFTER he showed up but okay. Scott throws Peterson around like a ragdoll for a minute then tags out to Rick, who goes for the pin but Peterson is on his back. That’s some Kamala-level confusion right there. Rick tries again but the ref says he can’t make the count like that. Rick decides to STEINERLINE instead and STEINERLINE he does. Morgan accepts the reluctant tag, Scott immediately clubs the sh*t out of him with forearms and drives him into the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex. Rick tags in and connects with the Doomsday Bulldog for the 1…2…3. Peterson doesn’t even bother trying to break up the pin, but can you blame him? (2:37)

VIGNETTE: Nikita Koloff does sit-ups in his smoky dungeon, then calls out Lex Luger.

Ricky Morton, “Wildfire” Tommy Rich, The Junkyard Dog, & Big Josh vs. The State Patrol (Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker & James Earl Wright) and Magnum Force (Rick & Speedy)

The Six Man Tag Team Champs are in action…in an 8-man tag. WILL SOMEONE GET THESE MOTHERF*CKERS SOME BELTS OR A TROPHY OR SOMETHING? Not sure why Big Josh got roped into this but I don’t like their chances as they’re taking on the unbeatable team of The State Patrol AND Magnum Force.

…Okay fine they’re very beatable. Babyfaces dominate as expected, each man getting a moment to shine and pop the crowd. The State Patrol overpower Morton and get control for their team, with even Magnum Force getting in some offense…until one of them misses a splash and Morton tags out. All eight men end up in the ring, Josh gets the win with a seated splash on one of the Magnum Force guys. Schiavone and Gordon seemed to really enjoy themselves calling this one, and I can’t blame them; this is the most engaged I’ve seen a WCW crowd on TV, especially for Worldwide. Chaotic goofy brawl without any rhyme or reason to it. (6:15)

  • RATING: *3/4

Brian Pillman says he didn’t submit or surrender at WrestleWar ’91 and will NEVER do so for The Four Horsemen. He vows to get his revenge at any time or anywhere. When he hits it’ll be a “tombstone from the O-Zone”. Uh-huh.

Ron Simmons vs. Joe Bruce

Simmons is announced as still being a member of Doom. Couldn’t have edited that part out, y’all? Joe Bruce looks like the geekiest of geeks, and Schiavone says as much. Just a real chonker of a man. Simmons takes his anger about Butch Reed and Teddy Long out on Bruce with some STIFF F*CKING SHOTS and a flying shoulderblock (which Schiavone REPEATEDLY calls a sidewalk slam for some reason) for the 1…2..3. I love the aggression from Simmons, but holy f*ck I hope Joe Bruce got a little extra in his paycheck for that. (1:38)

-Schiavone is ringside with Diamond Dallas Page. In a few weeks he’s going to debut his own segment on Worldwide. He once again calls The Freebirds losing the Tag Titles a setback and takes no blame as he wasn’t there for it, but now he’s got all his ducks in a row. Schiavone names some other tag teams in the company, including The Young Pistols, but DDP says none of them belong in the same breath as The Fabulous Freebirds. Pistols are in action next!

The Young Pistols (Tracy Smothers & Steve Armstrong) vs. Doug Vines & Jeff Sword

Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin show up at ringside to join Diamond Dallas Page. Big Daddy Dink shows up, pulls Smothers to the floor, and PILEDRIVES HIM. Dink knows wrestling moves?!? Bell rings anyway and it’s Armstrong by himself against his bigger opponents. Vines and Sword take advantage and double team the sh*t out of Armstrong, the ref being powerless in stopping it despite having rang the bell. Just DQ them or something, dude. Smothers finally recovers and drops both Vines and Sword with superkicks. Double dropkick to Sword, flying shoulderblock from Smothers to Vines for the 1…2…3. Smothers shook off a PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR relatively quickly. He’s inhuman. Fun to watch because neither team gave a damn about tag team rules. (1:58)

-Yup Lex Luger is still mad at Nikita Koloff’s betrayal.

Sid Vicious vs. Larry Santo

Some visible Sid signs in the audience. Never forget that Sid is one of the most over pro wrestlers in the history of the business. Vicious teases a Power Bomb early, but instead opts for a Terry Funk-style falling piledriver. Sid connects with a legdrop and covers with one arm but decides to keep punishing his opponent instead. Santo does not approve. Sid sets up for the Power Bomb but Santo doesn’t go all the way so Sid MUSCLES THE F*CKER UP AND SALVAGES IT for the 1…2…3. YESSSSSSS. Solid Sid Squash. (2:16)

Sid’s EMT geeks put Santo on the gurney, Sid kicks it over and Santo FALLS INTO THE CROWD. Back on the gurney, Sid clobbers him with a flying axhandle from the apron. Santo DED.

“The Natural” Dustin Rhodes says nothing of note.

-Schiavone is ringside with “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Schiavone brings up what happened last week with Sting and El Gigante, Flair BARELY touches on it and instead talks about how awesome he is and how everybody is gonna pay the price for messing with him.

El Gigante vs. Joe Cruz

Gigante reminds everyone that he WANTS THE BEEEEELT and wins super quick with the Iron Claw, driving Cruz to the mat for a pinfall. (0:46)

Ric Flair runs out after the match and blasts Gigante in the back with a chair. Sting runs out to make the save, Flair quickly bails and runs off when Sting teases going after him. Sting and the ref check on Gigante. We get a replay of what we just saw a few seconds ago as the episode ends.

*****

FINAL THOUGHTS: Easy peasy episode of Worldwide this week with a good opening contest, a totally unnecessary 8-man tag, and the continuation of the Flair/Gigante feud. Will Gigante get his shot at the belt he wants so much? Will it be on TV so I actually get to see it? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

 

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